De fleste av oss har vokst opp med klassiske eventyr og Disneyfilmer, der handlingen dreier seg rundt en vakker og sjarmerende prinsesse som på slutten av filmen møter prinsen i sitt liv, gifter seg og lever lykkelig i alle sine dager. Før dette skjer kan hun støte på både dverger, forbrytere og dyp søvn. Logisk nok, tenker du vel, men er prinsessen alltid så smart og fantastisk som de prøver å framstille henne? Og hva med prinsen?
La oss ta for oss Tornerose, en av de eventyrene som irriterer meg mest. Den begynner som regel med akkurat dette plottet:
"Once upon a time there was a Queen who had a beautiful baby daughter. She asked all the fairies in the kingdom to the christening, but unfortunately forgot to invite one of them, who was a bit of a witch as well. She came anyway, but as she passed the baby's cradle, she said:
"When you are sixteen, you will injure yourself with a spindle and die!"
"Oh, no!" screamed the Queen in horror. A good fairy quickly chanted a magic spell to change the curse. When she hurt herself, the girl would fall into a very deep sleep instead of dying."
- Ikke skjønner jeg hvorfor det er bedre å ligge i koma i hundre år enn å dø momentant av en nål. Uansett, blir det her framstilt at hele kongeriket (og dermed hele landet) visste om tragedien som kom til å skje, da inkludert Tornerose selv. Vi går videre.
The years went by, the little Princess grew and became the most beautiful girl in the whole kingdom. Her mother was always very careful to keep her away from spindles, but the Princess, on her sixteenth birthday, as she wandered through the castle, came into a room where an old servant was spinning.
"What are you doing?" she asked the servant.
"I'm spinning. Haven't you seen a spindle before?"
"No. Let me see it!" The servant handed the girl the spindle ... and she pricked herself with it and. with a sigh, dropped to the floor.
- Tornerose var mentalt tilbakestående. "Hold deg unna rokker, du kommer til å falle i koma av det." "Oooh! En rokk!" Enough said.
So the fairy cast a spell; and everyone that lived in the castle - soldiers, ministers, guards, servants, ladies, pages, cooks, maids and knights - all fell into a deep sleep, wherever they were at that very moment. [...] The years sped past. In the castle grounds, the trees grew tall. The bushes became thick and straggling, the grass invaded the courtyards and the creepers spread up the walls. In a hundred years, a dense forest grew up.
- Etter tse-tse-feens andre visitt ligger altså hele slottet ubevoktet. Ingen har engang prøvd å nærmet seg, ikke engang gartnere for å klippe hekk og plen. Det beviser det faktumet Se og Hør har prøvd å motbevise i alle år; Nobody gives a shit about the monarchy.
Wandering on his trusty steed he arrived, one day, at the dark forest. Being adventurous, he decided to explore it. He made his way through slowly and with a struggle, for the trees and bushes grew in a thick tangle. A few hours later, now losing heart, he was about to turn his horse and go back when he thought he could see something through the trees . . . He pushed back the branches . . . Wonder of wonders! There in front of him stood a castle with high towers. The young man stood stock still in amazement,
- Amazement, jorra. For det var sikkert ingen som visste at slottet var der.
As though led by a hand in the complete silence, the Prince finally reached the room where the beautiful Princess lay fast asleep. For a long time he stood gazing at her face, so full of serenity, so peaceful, lovely and pure, and he felt spring to his heart that love he had always been searching for and never found. Overcome by emotion, he went close, lifted the girl's little white hand and gently kissed it . . .
. Prinsen var nekrofil. Min teori er at han voldtok Tornerose, men når hun (uheldigvis) våknet opp og laget en emosjonell scene (som jenter ofte gjør, ihvertfall når de er 16) over det, måtte han bare spille med og gifte seg med henne.
Avslutningen på historien vil derfor ikke være at de lever lykkelig i alle sine dager, men at han betaler Tse-tse-feen med juveler og gullmynter for å leve ut sin hemmelige fantasi.
Moralen i historien vil altså være; når noen sier du dør av å stikke deg på en rokk, så hold deg for faen unna rokker.
